I have to say, this experience has been a major eye opener and has really taught me some life lessons. It’s given me a huge admiration for people who suffer incredible losses. I see people in our community, even in our close circle, who have gone through this, and worse, and think “look at them going on with life, they’re amazing”. Let me tell you, going on with life without a loved one is the hardest things anyone will ever have to do. For the weeks leading up to the funeral I did mediocre. My family was around, we had so much to do and everyone’s lives were just kind of on hold. Everyone I spent time with was in the same grieving boat. Once that was all over, the funeral was done and one of my uncles left for his home a couple hours away, reality hit and it hit hard. The week after was by far the worst. Life was going on and it was going on without my mom and hated every minute of it. I found myself somewhat holding it together at work but as soon as I hit the highway home, I sobbed for the whole 30 minute drive. So many things were happening in my life and I couldn’t tell my mom about a single one of them. The shower, the car, days off at home or any time spent alone were sad times so I’ve been doing my best to keep myself somewhat busy and I think it’s actually been helping.
The funeral was closure for our family and it was really a beautiful service. With the help of friends and family, we managed to give Shirls a send off she would have been proud of.
Afterwards our family and my moms life long friends gathered at her house for one last hurrah in her honour just as she told us to do. A night with people I’ve loved my whole life and some faces I haven’t seen in years was exactly what my heart needed.
A few days before the funeral, my sister in law had a brand new baby boy! I’ve gotten some baby snuggles in when I’ve been able to and it was nice to have that excitement. Plus he’s ridiculously adorable!
We’ve also rebooked our missed Mexican vacation and the first week of June we will be hitting the beach with some of our friends that we roped into coming with us haha we are VERY much looking forward to that get away.
In memory of my mom, I got myself a new tattoo that I’m totally in love with! I found a card she gave me years ago and had her hand writing duplicated, with an owl because she LOVED them. What makes this tattoo really special though, is I actually took some of her ashes and the tattoo artist mixed them in the ink. I will literally always have my mom with me. My kids think it’s absolutely disgusting (except Reegan, she wants to do the same when she’s 18) but I think it’s awesome!
Last weekend the girls and I had a shopping day at the mall so we weren’t just moping around. We got some new summer clothes and had lunch together. I had lots of those kinds of days with my mom as a kid and I hope they cherish them like I did.
I really stepped out of my box this week when I went to a paint night with my cousin Amanda and some of our friends. I have zero artistic ability and painting was soooo hard!! There were tons of swear words from all of us and threats of quitting but the company was fantastic!
They say grief never goes away, you just learn to live with it. I fully believe that. There’s no way this pain will ever leave me but I am most definitely learning to live with it and I know one day I’ll get to a point where I’ll get through a day without tears in my eyes. For now I’ll just continue to lean on my husband (who has been AMAZING through all of this by the way. He’s really gone above and beyond to make this as easy for me as possible), spend time with my family as much as possible, and count my lucky stars that I have the friends and family that I do.